wow

okay, a lot has happened since my last post. my sleep over sucked, libby was the only one that showed and by the time she left i was about ready to pound her into the ground. i hung out with lycan on wednesday. it was supposed to be just us, but libby decided to have her bus driver stop the bus just so she could invite herself to join us. so let's just say that i am currently very pissed. i passed my permit test on thursday, but didnt get it till saturday cause my mom forgot my social security card. i did color guard at the game friday. it was my first football game and it was a lot of fun. saturday was the dance which i had a blast at. i danced all night with lycan mostly. sunday was way awesome. i met this guy named josh and he so nice. i think i like him ;) when we drove him home, he reached over and held my hand and just before we got to his house he kissed me on my neck and now everytime he texts me i smile. i've been in an amazing mood since then and cant wait for tomorrow to come cause i'll get to see him

:)

sapphire

New Phone!

just got back from the mall and i left with my homecoming dress (which looks so pretty) and a brand new phone! it is so awesome and it's PURPLE! that's all.

Looking up

sadly i am dateless for the homecoming dance enxt week, but i could care less about that. i am in a freakin awesome mood right now! want to know why? cause things are going back to normal (well better than normal) with lycan. this week has been great and if everything goes the way it should next week will be way better. tomorrow i'm having a sleep over with some friends for my 16th birthday. my birthday isnt till thursday tho, but the party is going to be way fun. and then next week is spirit week too. wednesday i'll hopefully be able to hangout with lycan after school and then he'll come over for dinner too so that will be awesome. that morning i'll have drill practice! and then friday is the homecoming game and saturday is the dance so busy busy. and thursday i'm going to get my permit too. i cant wait! that's all.

Byes!

Sapphire ;)

*sigh*

well things with lycan arent going to clear up soon sadly. he decided that he wanted to take a break with our thing. now granted when he first sad this he made it sound like there was no chance of things going back to the way they were. so i've cried a lot this week and frankly this week has utterly sucks. so then this morning he reworded it and now i'm in a better mood cause he said that we're going to work back up to it so i hope that doesnt take long, but i'm not going to say anything at all about. i dont want to screw this up and i did at the start of summer when i started to bug him too soon after he had broken up with jenna. so i think that part of the reason he is the way he is now is because he's scared to get hurt again and this is the best way he can think of to sheild himself from it. so i'm just going to let things go for the most part and give him some space. it'll be rough on me, but he's always helping me and putting my feelings before his own, well now i'm returning the favor. i'm going to let him go and do his thing no matter what it does to me, cause i know that in the end it'll pay off and we'll both end up happier.

Sapphire

Debating

hmmm... let's see here... if things dont clear up with lycan in about two weeks, then i think i'm going to ask colton to the dance idk yet tho.

Damn it!

i've screwed up again. turns out i was screwing up pretty much all summer and i was too fuckin stupid to see it! argh!!!!!! i'm not getting closer to lycan, no turns out i'm fucking pushing him away and i'm to freaking stupid to see that myself and it took him getting pissed at me for me to finally understand that. now i have so many thing i have to to fix and so many things i have to change and it's just argh! i should have known better. i should have shut up months ago. i should have listened to him when he warned me. any normal person would have, but no not me i just keep right on pushing and now i have no clue where i freaking stand with him. and i have no clue wat's going to happen now. just freaking great!


P.S. sorry about the swearing

It's Automatic!

tokio hotel's lastest music video, "Auotmatic," recently released like yesterday and i must say that it is freaking amazing! i love the cars and bill looks sooooooooooo hot! at first i didnt like his new hair cause saw a pic from a photoshoot and the front was pulled straight back, but in the video he looks amazing! i must say that tho, that i like tom with dreads more than bill. tom just seems more like the kind of guy to have dreads and bill seems like the guy to look like sonic the hedgehog. oh and while i'm talking about tokio hotel... HAPPY BIRTHDAY BILL AND TOM! they turn 20 on spetember 1 (tuesday) wanna know wat they did for they're birthday? RENTED OUT AN ENTIRE AMUSEMENT PARK. now that is one awesome birthday.

Sapphire

HELP!!!!!!!!!

okay if anyone is reading this then now would be the perfect time to speak up! i need major help. the problem: lycan. i dont know wat to do. he doesnt want to be boyfriend and girlfriend which is fine by me, but it makes it hard on me causei think i may like way more than just a friend should. and i know that we do bf/gf stuff and i am real happy about that, but now seeing as school has started i cant stop thinking about him and when i know it's close to maybe seeing him i can feel my whole body shake. i try to ignore, but it's so annoying. so i dont know wat to do. i feel like if i move on and get over him that will go away, but i cant even picture myself with anyone but him. *sigh* i am so confused and lost and so many other things right now. i can hardly think straight as it is from being sick and now this and new classes and a whole new freaking time schedule. i hope lycan reads this post cause i dont think i'll be able to explain this again. maybe he can help me.\

onto other topics like how my last weekend of summer went... it went really well. i was going to go to the sub sale on saturday, but i was too tired. so i slept in and then i got to got the renaissance festival (which i wore a costume for) and then that night i was dodging chunks of mud down ON the track for the demolition derby at the county fair. and then sunday night my department got a search detail for a drunk guy up the ridge. that was a really bumpy ride. and after they found him they sent us to set up a landing zone. it was so cool seeing the helicopter land and take off! first day of school (yesterday) went well. i dont get to lycan near as much as last year, but i'll make it work somehow. i went to drill too last night. it was boring cause we just put the 1000 feet of 5 inch that was on the engine onto the tanker and the 1000 feet of 5 inch on the tanker onto the engine. i was up top helping pull it onto the truck and my knees were so sore today from it.

a little about my classes...

no i dont have chem with lycan which sucks, but i kinda figured i wouldnt. my sociology class has a lot of seniors in it and my crafts class is filled with freshmen. i dont have A lunch with lycan either... instead i'm stuck in B all year. which pisses me off cause ej got A lunch. i get to run fromend of the school to the other all day. and i mean that literally. i hardly even have time to stop at my NEW locker. yeah they gave almost all the sophpmores new lockers that are closer to they're homerooms. so that really sucks, but i'm closer to lycan's locker which is majorly cool. wat else.... homeroom is at the end of the day which majorly screws with me and i dont like it at all. tomorrow we take forsights which is awful and i think i'll stop ranting about school now.

so yeah if u guys could help me out on the above subject that would be great.

thanks!

Sapphire