i got see him today. it was loads of fun. we went down to the playground (after he played with my little brother's flight simulator) and tried to play tennis. it didnt work very well. we kept losing balls in the woods. then we went to the creek and found a monster crayfish. after that we went up to the house and watched the fifth harry potter. we got to snuggle lots during that. then we hung out a bit more at the house and then we went for a walk. we walked along the creek and stuff and he showed me more of the "wolfy" stuff. it was fun and i think i'm getting the hang of it too. but then his mom came looking for him while we were on our walk. she went up to my house then to the playground then to the house again and was almost back to the playground when we finally caught up to her. she looked really pissed, but lycan said he isnt in trouble so that's good. i just hope that i didnt get a bad mark on her chart. i'll ask him about it later. i think that's it. oh! last night at drill i got to go up in the tower. i went up like 68 feet. it was so cool! now i think i'm done.

Sapphire

everything is beginning to look up (knock on wood) my step dad isnt mad at me anymore. i might get to see lycan tomorrow. and i'm going to drill tonight. not bad i'll say. that's all

Sapphire

i got to see him today after a week. it so wasnt what i had expected. last night i ask my dad if lycan can go hiking with us. he says yeah, that we would pick him up at ten. he also tells me that he has a job to take care of and that he would be leaving EARLY. well let's just say that 8:40 i hear him on the phone. i think, well that's odd he should be gone by now. he's on the phone with his customer. he tells the guy to change the batteries in something. well the idiot old guy put them in backwards and fries it. so 9:30 rolls around and my dad still hasnt left to fix the problem. hmmm. well you can see where this is going. 10 o' clock goes by and he's stil home. finally he leaves at 10:15. now mind you he tells me that instead of getting lycan at 10 we'd get him at 11/11:30. i think okay i can wait an hour. 12:30 comes and he's just getting home. he decided to stop at the grocery store on his way home. at this time i'm a basket case and am in near tears because i'm expecting lycan to be leaving at 2. so we finally go get him and we come home and go for the hike and all that and then his mom's comes and picks him up. now that may not sound to bad, but the whole time he was here i didnt get one moment alone with him. my little brother is babbling uncontrollably. my little sister and brother cant even leave me alone with him while i walked with him to his car. as you can see i am rather pissed. i mean HELLO! i havent seen him for a whole week and then i finally get to and nothing goes right. and my dad's beginning to worry that my world revovles around him because i'm in near hysterics because i'm beginning to wonder if maybe i should just cancel my plans. i was in near hysterics cause i hadnt seen him for a whole week and was expecting to see him. that was why. i swear he wants me to talk to him about stuff but it's different from when i was younger. there's stuff that i am not goign to tell him. like my feelings for lycan.

*sigh* relief. finally. i have nothing else to say.

Sapphire

As Promised...

i have pics!

And there you have it. the amazing view from atop a mountian. sorry i didnt post yeaterday. i was very busy. some people came to look at our house. i is scarred cause they spent an hour there. not good. and i ended up being dragged along to my dad's fiance's company picnic. they had a magician. 1)he was scary looking and 2) his tricks sucked. i could think up and explaination for each one. and speaking of magicians... criss angel: mindfreak is supposed to be starting up again. YAY! i cant remember the date, but it's like the first week in august i think. i can't wait! lycan has his fone back so that's good. (he got his fone taken away the other night, but idk why) that's it for now.

See ya,

Sapphire

Wolf Rocks

yesterday we went for a hike (me, mt dad, my brother, and my dad's fiance). we up the mountain from our house and walked this hiking trail into the woods. at the end there were a ton of rocks that looked like they had rolled down the mountain years ago. it was so pretty. i had a lot of fun climbing on them. i took picture on my phone and when i get the chance, i'll put them on here. but the walk up was really long. i think round trip it was 4 miles and took us an hour to get there and then a hour back. my legs were so sore and i can feel it in them today too. i say next time, we go to the waterfall (it isnt near as far a walk). i think that's about it. lycan's still grounded so he isnt allowed to call me and cell service is awful at my house so i can hardly text him. um... i dont know when i'm going back to my mom's. i dont really want to. i'm not going to drill tonight. i should go, but my mom and stepdad arent going so that means that i wont be training if i go. that's all i guess.

Sapphire

yeah, i know XP

yes, i know this is the third time that i've post today, but i thought this was worth posting... lycan is grounded. i ont know for how long. i hope it isnt long. i dont even know if he's allowed to text. probably not. i texted him an hour ago and he hasnt answered. so i'm probably going to have little contact with him for a little while, which really sucks. *sigh* i'm going to be so lonely. i'm sure he will too. it's funny how stupid mistakes always do us in (us as in teenagers) like i said hopefully he isnt grounded for long, but i dont know. i think it'll be awhile before i see him. and yes i know that i've said that before and then seen him shortly after that, but now i think i'm right. i wish i wasnt, but i think i am. oh well.

night,

Sapphire

Thank You!

thank god, i get to stay home tonight and i dont have to go to the hell hole that is my mother's place where the evil step father and his brainwashed minions reside. i didnt get to see lycan again, but i asked him if we could hang out tomorrow, but he said that he wasnt sure. somehow i dont think that that's going to happen. which really sucks. o well. oh, and i didnt post this earlier cause i forgot about it, but i had a dream the other night. in it, it was the first day of the new school year and i walked into my first period class (chemistry) and i took my seat then lycan walked in. i wonder if it's a premonition, i hope it is cause then that means that we'll be in the same chem class which would be awesome. and even though he's a year older than me (well actually 7 months or something, but he's a grade a head of me) we could be in the same chem class so i hope that happens. if it does, that would be so awesome. it could be very likely too cause as stated above: i have chem first period and all of his classes are in the morning (he goes to tech in the afternoon) so it could be very possible that we are. i asked him about it the other day, but he said he lost his schedule which sucks, so i guess i'll have to wait for school to start.

speaking of which...

i can't wait. yes i know that sounds nerdy, but i love school (i get to see my friends that i didnt see this summer) anyway... i am looking forward to almost all of my classes this year. why do i say almost? cause i'm stuck taking 2 classes i really didnt want to take: CPI (current political issues) and sociology. neither i am looking forward to. the only good thing that comes out of that is that i wont have to take another social studies course. but i will be cause i'm hoping to take pyshcology 1 and 2. i would have taken them this year, but i want to get the college credits for it and you cant get those in your sophomore year (which is stupid, but o well) another class i'm looking forward to is my rotc class (world studies) cause it's rotc. it's going to be awesome.

wow i wrote a lot. i guess i should stop now huh? fine.

See ya,

Sapphire ;)

Much Better

as the title says, thing s are much better today. even tho i had to get up at freaking 5:20 in the morning i had fun. today was the rotc sub sale, so i got to hang out with all of my rotc friends. (which includes lycan) i got the tokio hotel cd that i wanted and lately it's been the only thing that i've listened to. the perfect theme song for lycan is "by ur side" it is an awesome song. so today made up for yesterday a lot (actually anything coulda). see, yesterday sucked. bad. i was at my mom's and everyone was giving off real nasty vibes (yes, i said vibes) like they didnt want me there. i told lycan about it, and he said that it's bull that that happens to me and that it shouldnt. so now i'm hoping that i can weasel my way out of going there tonight, cause i know that they dont want me around so there's no point as far as i see it to go over there and torture myself. hopefully my dad'll let me stay here. *crosses fingers*

THE NEW HARRY POTTER MOVIE IS OUT!

i have yet to see it, but i'm going to hold off till lycan asks me if i'd like to go (get the hint). i've heard stuff that it isnt very good, but i dont care. i've seen all of them so far. i own all of the ones on dvd. i've a freaking guide filled with spells and potions and what not. and i have all of the books. oh, and i can out smart the harry potter 20 questions game and i dominate the harry potter scene it. so i dont care if it's good or if leaves out stuff (they always do) i have to see it, cause face it, i'm a slightly obsessed fan. hehehe.

i know that this post has been reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally random and i apologize, but i just write what comes to mind. i think that that's all i have to say so if i can escape the horrors of my mom's house, i'll post. if i dont.... expect the worst (R.I.P.)

lol

Sapphire ;)

Awful (that's it)

i got to see lycan today, but once again my little brother got in the way of a perfect evening. he doesnt know when to leave us alone and no matter how much my dad tells him to leave us alone he doesnt listen. tonight his excuse was "well you didnt tell me that TODAY." its obvious that that applies to everytime i see him! he so stupid! and lycan is too nice of a guy to tell him to leave us alone. it's awful. my little brother acts like lycan is just another one of his stupid little friends.

i think i've finished with my rant, but i am just so freaking pissed right now it is unreal. i cried more when he left. i miss him so much and whenever i see him it's never enough. hell! i start to miss him even before he leaves. i think that means that i love him and i know i do, i have for a while. but i think this is kinda like physical proof almost cause i never cried like this with the last guy i was with. i cried over him once, but with lycan i've cried so many times i cant even count. and everytime it's been because i missed him so much. i wish i didnt cry everytime he left, but at the same time it feels good cause before all of this i hardly ever cried so it's nice to have some sort of release.

and now onto new stuff and not me crying over lycan



i am now officially hooked on this german band called tokio hotel.



this is them:

i originally heard of them from my friend libby, but then i kept seeing the leader singer (bill kaulitz) name pop up in MI (mortal instruments) forums on who would make a good magnus (which he so would. he has the awesome hair for it) . so i went and i typed his name into the google bar and i found TH's webpage and i started to listen to the music on it and now i've been listening to the same 4 songs all day. it is really good music, but when i first heard his voice he sounded kinda girly, but not anymore. i think that was cause i wasnt used to it. my favorite song is between "dont jump" and "monsoon". they're both really awesome.


here's the video of "dont jump"

and here is "monsoon"

and i jsut found out that i am now more miserable than i was when he left cause i just found out that his computer has some sort of virus so he cant im me. so now i'm bawling like a baby again and i am absolutely miserable. i swear the universe is against me, that's the only solution. i guess that's all for tonight. i think this is the longest post i've ever done.

Sapphire

refer to the sob/rant two post s back and u'll havemy whole day in a nutshell. i did exactly what i feared the most, i lost his trust and now i feel like i've lost him and i'm even more afraid that i'm not going to be able to get it back, but i'm going to fight like hell to fix this. i promised him i would and i will. i'll do whatever it takes to get his trust back. *tears* i hope that "whatever" is enough though...

Sapphire

i told u that something was going to happen last night and it did! lycan showed me how to embrace the power of the full moon, but i'm not sure if i did it right and he said the only fool proof way to find is to wait till the next full moon :( i dont want to wait a whole nother month! i hope it worked tho, i really hope that i did it right, but i guess i shall find out next month. that's all for now. whenever he finally gets onto IM, he'll talked to me more about it, but i have nothing else to say for now. i'll update you on anything that happens.

See ya later,

Sapphire

Oh My God! why do i screw everything up? i always do. i've been losing friend cause i cant control my demented sense of humor. and now my absolute best friend is mad at me cause i dont freaking think! GOD! i screw everything up! why do i have to be so blonde all the time whenever i try to see him!?! i am such freaking idiot. i can never remember important things when i need to and then i pay for it later when he sounds so disappointed in me that it makes me so sad and i feel so bad, cause adventually he's not going to want to deal with me and my forgetfulness and then he's just going to stop trying to see me. *tear slides down cheek* i screw things up for my self so bad all the freaking time. i hate myself for that. i cant believe that i always screw things up. i am so stupid.


enough of my sobbing, cause i had an amazing time tonight with lycan. we played video games and went for a walk and had an amazing time. and tonights the full moon and i think that somethings going to happen, but i don't know wat it'll be. i guess i'll tell u guys tomorrow.

Night,

Sapphire

this years fourht of juky ws absolutely amazing! he spent the night at ny housenad we were up until god knows when talking nad setting off fireworks. it was the perfect fourth of july for both of us. *sigh* but alas, i miss him so much. i was actually in tears a lot this evening cause i missed him so much. it kinda reminded me of when sls was finshed and i had to ride the bus home with out him. i cried a good bit of the two hour drive i missed him so much. that is what this is feeling like. i can't wait till the 7th though, cause we're planning to see each other then, but i want to see him so much more sooner than that. i have so much more to say, but i'll hold my tongue so that there's stuff to say later.

See ya,

Sapphire




P.S.
i am sorry lycan if you're reading this, but i needed some way of getting this off my mind. i know you probably dont want to hear me crying over you, but i can't help it. i is very sorry.

hey it's me. sorry i didnt post when this happened, but isaw him again on monday we had an amazing time. we played video and went for a walk and stuff so yeah. he'll be coming over tomorrow for the fourth of july an dwe'll get to hang out all day. but seeing as my parents are majorlyparanoid, we're going to be babysat by my little brother XP so that's about it. i'll post sometime tomorrow if i remember so...

See ya,

Sapphire